Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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