Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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