I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
