I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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