There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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