Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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