If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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