Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
