my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
