i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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