He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
