Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
