i permit you to call me
oh god the rape fog is back!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
