i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize