so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
