Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
