Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
