No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
