I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
