You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
