Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
