ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is wine microwaveable?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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