Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
