..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
