everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
