just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
