it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
