Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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