I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
