Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
