You can't special order awesome
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
