is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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