dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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