the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize