I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
