Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
