So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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