just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
