I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
