just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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