I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
