ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
