people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Come on in and take your pants off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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