You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
