Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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