her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
