Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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