and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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