Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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