hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize