oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
