wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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