a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
