david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
