At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
