if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
