So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
