Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
