put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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