Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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