The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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