Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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