my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
